Collections 20: waiting
Hi. I'm so glad you're here.
I've been thinking a lot about waiting these days, as I recently had a long and panicked 80 hours of waiting after my doctor called with some potentially concerning results of a blood test that needed an MRI follow up. And while the results were (relievingly) not as difficult of news as they could be, I am still in a period of waiting (though of a different kind and intensity than that weekend).
Much of life is waiting. And waiting, as I've experienced recently, has many shades and shapes. Here's a list of some of the kinds of waiting I've been living with/in these days.
1. soft, like a belly, or a cat, lying in the sun.
2. unexpectedly sharp - the kind where it takes a few seconds for the pain to travel back and forth to your brain, and you feel every single one of them.
3. a long exhale.
4. checking the clock every ten minutes and finding out it’s been two.
5. rhythmic, like a heartbeat, or the breath of your love, sleeping next to you in the long hours of the night.
6. filled with doing, and tasks, and a whirl of "just one more thing."
7. thrilling, like a slow-fast sunrise over the mountains.
8. insistent, like the wind.
9. cold, like winter.
10. long and summer-sweet.
11. whale watching - nothing, nothing, nothing, OH WOW!
12. (sometimes no whales come.)
13. the patience of a lost sock, or ten dollars in your winter coat pocket.
14. quiet with listening, like a hand on your heart, or your gut.
And, I wonder, what kinds of waiting are you living with these days?
Love from the creeks,
Kali
PS: This year I've been thinking so much about how non-binary ways of thinking and moving are needed for all of us to get free from the crush and press and internalized insistence of systems like capitalism and ableism and whiteness.
My beloved friend Jen and I are doing a class this coming Thursday (Dec 1) about binaries, double binds, and ways of getting around/through them that I'm so excited about. You can get more info + sign up below, and use this link for 50% off if you need it.
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Kali Boehle-Silva
Writing, questions, and meaning-making for late-stage capitalism + collapse.
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